Quartet of Endless Grey

Wipe your foggy breath off the cold bus window;
the snow-covered scape outside is darker than it.
Watch your faint reflection in the streaky glass;
the bus's harsh fluorescent lights do you no favor.

I never thought hunger could grow larger than the body,
but you don't let go of a chance to prove me wrong.
Never did I look so large as I do through your eyes;
nor have I felt so small.

I once said I'd never regret a thing--
I regret it all now, even the regret.

It's done:
no more happy endings,
no more new beginnings,
no more looking forward,
no more then...

It's all been done:
there's no tomorrow here;
there's only an endless now,
not interrupted by night or day--
an endless drone, an endless hum,
an endless pattern of downward eyes and hunched backs,
an endless silence syncopated by the static of the everyday,
an endless fog, an endless grey,
no one to save...

I forgot the taste of skin,
I forgot the smell of hair,
I forgot the feel of anticipation,
I forgot what it was all about...

Last night god killed himself;
he obviously wasn't divine enough.
Pity us men with rolls on our sides,
scars on our necks, and morning breath.
Pity us, mortals,
You, who's never lived...

(Originally posted on February 07, 2013)

"Lady Lazarus" by Sylvia Plath

I have done it again.   

One year in every ten   

I manage it——

A sort of walking miracle, my skin   

Bright as a Nazi lampshade,   

My right foot

A paperweight,

My face a featureless, fine   

Jew linen.

Peel off the napkin   

O my enemy.   

Do I terrify?——

The nose, the eye pits, the full set of teeth?   

The sour breath

Will vanish in a day.

Soon, soon the flesh

The grave cave ate will be   

At home on me

And I a smiling woman.   

I am only thirty.

And like the cat I have nine times to die.

This is Number Three.   

What a trash

To annihilate each decade.

What a million filaments.   

The peanut-crunching crowd   

Shoves in to see

Them unwrap me hand and foot——

The big strip tease.   

Gentlemen, ladies

These are my hands   

My knees.

I may be skin and bone,

Nevertheless, I am the same, identical woman.   

The first time it happened I was ten.   

It was an accident.

The second time I meant

To last it out and not come back at all.   

I rocked shut

As a seashell.

They had to call and call

And pick the worms off me like sticky pearls.

Dying

Is an art, like everything else.   

I do it exceptionally well.

I do it so it feels like hell.   

I do it so it feels real.

I guess you could say I’ve a call.

It’s easy enough to do it in a cell.

It’s easy enough to do it and stay put.   

It’s the theatrical

Comeback in broad day

To the same place, the same face, the same brute   

Amused shout:

‘A miracle!’

That knocks me out.   

There is a charge

For the eyeing of my scars, there is a charge   

For the hearing of my heart——

It really goes.

And there is a charge, a very large charge   

For a word or a touch   

Or a bit of blood

Or a piece of my hair or my clothes.   

So, so, Herr Doktor.   

So, Herr Enemy.

I am your opus,

I am your valuable,   

The pure gold baby

That melts to a shriek.   

I turn and burn.

Do not think I underestimate your great concern.

Ash, ash—

You poke and stir.

Flesh, bone, there is nothing there——

A cake of soap,   

A wedding ring,   

A gold filling.

Herr God, Herr Lucifer   

Beware

Beware.

Out of the ash

I rise with my red hair   

And I eat men like air.

Another Storm

Again, like a shot in the arm,
metal piercing the skin,
sharp intake of breath,
and the numbness...
The snow keeps falling
like frozen baby breath,
careless and uncaring,
covering wedding bands
and dog shit alike.

Oh city icy as the skies,
indifferent as only God can be...
Oh city drenched in grey,
draped in cold, drizzling
frost like confetti,
turn your back on me--
for I am blind, I am deaf,
I am mute, I am dead.
I am loss, I'm your heart:
clenched, cynical and cruel.
Turn your back, wilt,
wither, will what you will,
I'm staying, a speck of sand
in your eyes, scratching, cloying,
the only thing left of another storm.

(Originally posted on February 11, 2012)

Lost Winter Seascape with Figures

"Once there was a world you could 

Hold in the palm of your hand,

And upon which the snow was 

Always just starting to fall--

World of a city that lay  

By a body of water  

Where people gathered to watch 

Ships set sail for other worlds.  

And high over the city  

At the edge of the water,  

Stood a great woman of stone 

Whose name no one remembers.  

Once there was a world you could 

Hold in the palm of your hand, 

And, by turning it over,  

Make the first soft snow swirl down  

On the lit houses of those  

Whose name no one remembers, 

But who, it seems now, must have 

Loved one another greatly.  

Why else would they have taken 

The trouble to put her there--

Stone woman who stood waiting 

For ships that never came back?"

- Joe Bolton, from 'American Variations'

This & That

Since I haven't been writing much lately, I've been digging in my journals. Here's some more stuff I found. I had completely forgotten about this one, but I think it is worth posting...

To Mama

That winter,
after I’d rejoined them,
they surprised me with an electric keyboard
on which I'd later write sorrowful songs...

In that picture,
where she held my head close to her heart,
my face was a congested shade of purple
that matched her dress...

I'd wake up at night
and follow the sad music to the kitchen
where she'd be hunched over a sinkful of boredom.
She'd turn around and smile
and I'd sit there, at the table beside her
swinging my feet and imagining
the distant harbors of the song...

Those nights
she'd drive us around the city
translating French songs
and sneaking cigarettes.
It was on one of those nights
that she wanted to send me away
to be great...

And now I'm away,
but great is another matter.
These nights
I swallow the air
and wait to get dizzy.
I stare at my feet
and plan for a life without...

These days
I try to be great
but end up small
and solitary and silent.
These days
I turn my face
to endless woods
wrapping me like a shroud...

I hover, I bob,
I ebb and flow...

(Originally posted on June 14, 2006)

Anymore

And then I grew up,
And people no longer remembered my birthday.
I was not supposed to care anymore;
But I did...

Now I collect smells instead of people;
I gather words instead of songs.
I have lost the melody somewhere in between
The sea and the lip of the wavebreakers...

(Originally posted on August 26, 2004)

"Nothing Pleases Me" Mahmoud Darwish - محمود درويش "لاشيء يعجبني"

لا شيءَ يُعْجبُني

لا شيءَ يُعْجبُني

يقول مسافرٌ في الباصِ – لا الراديو

.ولا صُحُفُ الصباح , ولا القلاعُ على التلال

/أُريد أن أبكي

,يقول السائقُ: انتظرِ الوصولَ إلى المحطَّةِ

/وابْكِ وحدك ما استطعتَ

تقول سيّدةٌ: أَنا أَيضاً. أنا لا

’شيءَ يُعْجبُني. دَلَلْتُ اُبني على قبري

/فأعْجَبَهُ ونامَ’ ولم يُوَدِّعْني

يقول الجامعيُّ: ولا أَنا ’ لا شيءَ

يعجبني. دَرَسْتُ الأركيولوجيا دون أَن

أَجِدَ الهُوِيَّةَ في الحجارة. هل أنا

/حقاً أَنا؟

ويقول جنديٌّ: أَنا أَيضاً. أَنا لا

شيءَ يُعْجبُني . أُحاصِرُ دائماً شَبَحاً

/يُحاصِرُني

يقولُ السائقُ العصبيُّ: ها نحن

اقتربنا من محطتنا الأخيرة’ فاستعدوا

/...للنزول

فيصرخون: نريدُ ما بَعْدَ المحطَّةِ’

!فانطلق

أمَّا أنا فأقولُ: أنْزِلْني هنا . أنا

مثلهم لا شيء يعجبني ’ ولكني تعبتُ

.من السِّفَرْ

Nothing Pleases Me

Nothing pleases me
the traveler on the bus says—Not the radio
or the morning newspaper, nor the citadels on the hills.
I want to cry /
The driver says: Wait until you get to the station,
then cry alone all you want /
A woman says: Me too. Nothing
pleases me. I guided my son to my grave,
he liked it and slept there, without saying goodbye /
A college student says: Nor does anything
please me. I studied archaeology but didn’t
find identity in stone. Am I
really me? /
And a soldier says: Me too. Nothing
pleases me. I always besiege a ghost
besieging me /
The edgy driver says: Here we are
almost near our last stop, get ready
to get off . . . /
Then they scream: We want what’s beyond the station,
keep going!
As for myself I say: Let me off here. I am
like them, nothing pleases me, but I’m worn out
from travel.

-from "The Butterfly's Burden", translated by Fady Joudah (translation copyright © 2007 Copper Canyon Press)

"Wahdon" (Alone) "وحدن"

وحدن

 شعر طلال حيدر
غناء فيروز

وحْدُن بْيبْقوا

مِتِلْ زهْر البيلســان

وحْدُن بْيقِطفوا وْراق الزّمان

بيْسكّروا الغابي

بيضَّلهُن متل الشتي يْدقّوا عَلى بْوابي

عَلى بْوابي

يا زَمــــان

يا عشِب داشِر فوق هالحيطان

ضوّيت ورد الليل عَ كْتابي

برج الحمام مْسَوّر وْعـالي

هجّ الحمام بْقيْت لَـحـالي لَحالي

يا ناطْرين التّـلج

ما عاد بدكُن ترجعوا

صرِّخْ عَلَيهُن بالشّتي يا ديب

بَلْكي بْيِسْمَعوا

وحْدُن بْيِبْقوا مِتِلْ هالغَيم العتيق

وحْدُن وْجوهُن وْعتْم الطّريق

عم يقْطعوا الغابي

وْبإيْدَهُن

متل الشتي يْدِقُّوا البِكي وْهنِّي عَلى بْوابي

يا زمــــان

مِنْ عُمِرْ فَيّ العشبْ عَ الحيطــان

مِن قَبِلْ ما صار الشجر عالي

ضوِّي قْناديل

وأنْطُر صْحابي

مرقوا

فلُّوا

بْقيتْ عَ بابي لحالي

Alone
Lyrics: Talal Haydar
Voice: Fairuz

Alone they remain like elderflowers
Alone they pick the leaves of time
They close down the forest, they remain like rain
Knocking on my doors, on my doors...

Oh time, oh weeds scattered over these walls
I lit the night’s rose over my book
The dove’s tower is fenced and high
The doves fled, I remained alone, all alone…

You waiting for the snow, don’t you want to return?
Call out for them in the rain, oh wolf, perhaps they might hear…

Alone they remain like these old clouds
Alone, their faces and the road’s darkness
They cross the woods and with their hands, like rain,
The tears and they knock on my doors…

Oh time of the age of the weeds’ shadow on these walls
From before when trees became tall
I light up lanterns and wait for my friends
They passed by, they left, I stayed at my door all alone…

You going to the snow, don’t you want to return?
Call out for them in the rain, oh wolf, perhaps they might hear…

"Prelude: Late Twentieth-Century Piece"

And after pain, the calm—dark records on dark shelves:
Some notion of romance we never got over,
Some sweet past theme we kept trying to recover,
Some concept of ourselves as more than our lost selves.

If we cannot be lovers, we will be players,
Throttling sharp-dressed and muscled, guns in our pockets
For good luck, through the new cities of the tropics--
Deco, palm, flamingo, blues and greens in layers.

This is the dead end of the end of the dead day.
Starlit, remembering what we outlived, we lie
Watching old films of us sweep the ceiling: the sigh
Of flesh on flesh, the cut, and the turning away.

- by Joe Bolton, from "The Last Nostalgia"

In Her Shoes

I have just (finally?) watched In Her Shoes, and it is simply wonderful! I highly recommend it. And as Roger Ebert wrote, "It's not every big-budget movie that gets its two biggest emotional payoffs with poems by Elizabeth Bishop and e.e. cummings." And it looks like "books by Elizabeth Bishop and ee cummings have doubled in sales after the poets' works were featured in the movie" (source: BookSlut). So here are, for your reading pleasure, those two great poems:

One Art
Elizabeth Bishop

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

--Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.


i carry your heart with me
ee cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

(Originally posted on Dec. 2, 2005)

No Return, No Exchange

Here's my life; take it,
see what you can make of it.
Like a gum that's been chewed
for far too long, it's lost its flavor.
I'm done with it; and I'm afraid
I've made quite the mess of it...
There, see if you can do better.
And let me know; I'm curious.
But I won't hold my breath;
I don't care enough to.

I've waited on sidewalks
where busses don't pass,
and the riders have all fallen asleep.
I've lingered in the fog of old songs
and teenage dreams, and woken up
to find me lurking around
a playground, overgrown
into the swing-set I forgot me in.
This adulthood, I fear, is not for me;
but then again, neither was childhood.
I'm not angry to have come to this world,
but I don't think I'll miss it much.
And to be honest, I don't think
it'll miss me much either...

(Originally posted on February 10, 2012)

Daniel Abdal-Hayy Moore

Such is the world we inhabit: while wasting time on Facebook, between political news and recipe videos, an obituary of someone you know, half a world and years away, appears… Death asserts itself everywhere.

I met Daniel Abdal-Hayy Moore in Philadelphia on Saturday, May 21, 2005. I don’t recall that because I have good memory, but because I blogged about it that day. Daniel was a judge on the Philadelphia Reading Series Open Poetry Competition, which was held at The Book Corner, a second-hand bookstore near the Free Library of Philadelphia, and around the corner from where I worked at the time. I’d been writing poetry and posting it online for a couple of years then, but that was the first time I’d read it in public. I was terrified… and I won second prize! Daniel came up to me afterwards and congratulated me. He was an editor of English translations of Mahmoud Darwish, one of my all-time favorite poets, and it meant so much to me.

The following year, thanks to Daniel, I was featured in the Other Voices International Project. But soon after, Daniel was there for me during one of the darkest episodes of my life. During Israel’s war on Lebanon in the summer of 2006, I was in Philadelphia while my family was under the bombs in Lebanon. I was at my wits end, feeling helpless and hopeless. I was in the streets demonstrating, reading my poetry to anyone who would listen. Daniel was part of a poetic "call to arms" I held online; and along with Laurie Pollack and Arlene Bernstein, helped me form Philly Poets for Peace, which raised money for the UNICEF Emergency Relief Fund. Daniel and I read from Darwish’s To an Iraqi Poet, he in English and I in Arabic; it helped me hold on to my sanity during that nightmare. A year later, Daniel helped me publish four poems in Islamica magazine...

And then, as they say, life happened. We lost touch, I wrote less and less, and eventually I moved back over the Atlantic to Europe… I’m ashamed to admit I followed the news of Daniel’s illness recently on Facebook in silence. Words may be what brought us together, but words failed me… I didn’t know what to say, so I said nothing. And here I am, at a loss of words again. So I’ll just borrow from my younger self, and dedicate to you one of the poems you helped me publish, The Flight of the Swallow… Forgive me my silence.

The Flight of the Swallow

In memory of Daniel Abdal-Hayy Moore

What do they know
Of the flight of the swallow
Or the crane and how it dives?

What do they know
Of the life under your eyes
Or your smile and how it wanes?

What do they know
Of the gathering of the night
Or her waist and how it sways?

What will they know
Of the taste of the sea in your bread
And your embrace trembling under my sleep?

They'll know nothing
But the snow gathering under their fingernails
And the horizon as it folds onto itself...

(Originally posted on May 10, 2005)