The Scream

Like the whereabouts of a heartache
Like a childhood gone by
Like a chinchilla gone missing
Like the silences of the oud
that night
Like a windblown smile
that has faded too young
Like the taste of your hunger
Like the rest of the race
Like your face ablaze
with a familiar song
Like the crackling on the radio
before it all went out
Like a lingering smell in the bedroom
where no one remains
Like the hairs on the back of your hand
when you calm my hair
Like your laughter ringing on
between walls of trees
Like the frame hanging empty
on an emptier wall
Like the shreds of a canvas
in the shadows forgot
On a sidewalk, by a hydrant
waiting to be stolen

Mothers

We make new mothers
As we grow older
So when our mother dies
We can pretend we're still living.

Another

What's another brick in the wall?
What's another word on the page?
What's another story gone sour?
What's another bad poem?

What if it's all over?
What if they become strangers again?
Who gives a damn?

Leaves

I scatter myself
That you might find me
Over the edges I smear me
Thin and grey
I search for you
But you have fallen
Like leaves
Incessantly
So brittle and crisp

You collect at my feet
And I drown in you
But you have fallen
Away from me
Away from yourself
Away from the tree

Nothing remains
But words splattered
In a pink book
Stashed over the porn
Faded pictures
And paler recollections
And friendships turned
Frigid and bland

I live with it
Try to embrace it
But it takes practice
To embrace nothing

Puki Says

To Wojtek

He said, I am glad you found your inner voice
But does it have to be so loud?
He said, I am a waste of flesh
He said, Will it be okay?
And I said nothing;
I just stared.

For five years now I've said nothing;
I've just stared.
And he's still there
Saying nothing
And that said it loudest of all.

Antequerra

A street café in Antequerra
The sun blazing on your face
My temper simmering in the heat
I melt
A glow off the cobblestone
A street ascending amid white-washed walls
A nasty mood for no reason
I miss it

Revelation

TODAY I

Today I found out
That my parents are only human
Today I found out
That the absurdity of the world
Is the back of a mother's head


TODAY II

Today I shall fall from the stars
Today I am born again
Today I repeat myself
In resemblences of redundancy

Today I shall shatter the skies
And tumble into nothing
Today I shall regurgitate my words
Ad nauseum

Ghosts

And so it fades.
Slowly it fades.
Quickly it fades.
Immediately.
It dissipates into thin air,
Into empty fridges
And emptier faces.
It shrinks,
It bows,
And it exits backwards,
Its fragile being wrapped
Into a tight ball.
Ephemral,
And volatile,
And brittle
It drips onto the floor
As I walk,
And leaves me as before,
Empty and pale.
I fall back into my former self,
My lack of one.
I fall back into… silence.
I don’t reach out,
I don’t cry out after it.
I just watch it go,
Like a thousand times before.
I almost even bid it adieu.

Its tight upward streets
And whitewashed walls,
Its afternoon still
And dizzying sun.
Its unabashed sense of contentment.
They all leave me
Like a dream.
And I don’t like what I wake up to.
I want to go back to sleep
But the alarm keeps ringing.
The coffee tastes bitter and hollow
As before,
And as before
It gives me a dull heartburn.
And yet I swallow.

Somewhere ahead
They will all meet again,
And I’ll be there.
Somewhere ahead
I’ll be once again where I were,
Where I want to be.
Somewhere ahead,
Even if only in our permanent absence.
I will dance with ghosts
If ghosts are all I love.
A ghost amongst ghosts.

Trickle

I trickle down
Between four walls
Is the room half empty
or half full?

The silence drowns
In loneliness
And darkness hugs the dust

I want to say
Something different
But everything is all the same

I want to smile
To sleep… To sleep…
I want to breathe
Where dreams cease

I am sick of myself
Of my company
Of sentences that start with me
And end where they begin

Remnant of You

Remnants of you around the house
Your stubble speckled over the sink
And the cat’s incessant whining
I curl myself into a cold ball
And pray for unconsciousness

You vanished
Like you never happened
Like a memory of a memory
Like a banal dream
You erased yourself
Off my consciousness
And I became
In my vacancy
The only remnant of you

I write

I write to set you ablaze,
like I couldn’t do with my self.
I write to scorch the earth,
to set your world afire.
I write to make your gods shudder,
with disgust and with awe.
I write because my story has not been written.

I write and you shall read,
because you have a choice.
I write and you shall read,
because you have none.
You are spellbound,
and I am falling from grace.
I write because my tale needs to be told.

I write because my memories are fading,
and gelling,
and losing their taste.
I write because I fear dissipating with them.
I write because I need to,
not because I want to.
I write…

I write a tale of two souls,
of one soul,
of many souls,
of none.
I write of sepia,
and dawn-colored flesh,
and the fading image of the folds of skin around your mouth when it broke into a smile.
I write because it shall never be again.

I write because I am forgetting the smell of the aged skin of her bosom,
the taste of the lapel of her dress,
and the way his coarse hair felt against my cheek.
I write to capture life,
because I am losing it.
And I just found out I am not getting it again.

I write a swirl,
the swelling of a yearning waltz,
of the black dust underground,
the screech of a candle burning an unfaced wall.
I write of clichés that make up my life,
and a life that made the clichés.
I write of a realm beyond,
beyond the clichés,
beyond you,
and more so every passing day,
beyond me.

Con Brio

Tonight
I will burn the night
I will scorch the earth
Beneath your feet

Tonight
I will bring you alive
I will bring you down
I will set you free

Tonight
I shall give you
What you never knew existed
I shall shatter your soul
And chew on its shards

Tonight
Like every night
I will crumble
And you
Like every night
Shall sweep me beneath your wing

Vomit

it’s funny how
you can get used to
the rhythm of the vomit
until it lulls you
into a most silent apathy

today i took the day off
to watch my cat
throw his life up
but instead
he threw mine